The Observer.

College student figuring stuff out
These girls right above are some of the most beautiful, brave and strong willed people I’ve ever met. Even though it seems like I’ve known them since I was young, I met each one my freshman year at Michigan State. I couldn’t imagine these past two years without listening to their stories or the memories we’ve created on our own, because I don’t think it would’ve been right without them. I look at the friendships people create in college and I’m lucky enough to say that I know I’ve made friends that go beyond “friends” or “roommates”. These girls are my sisters, an extension of myself. In them I found who it was I want to be, and for that I could never thank them enough. To anyone who knows these girls, or will one day meet them, know how lucky you are to be in the presence of someone so genuine and selfless. Each one is different, but they’ve created a group of girls that is hard to come by. Maybe I can’t explain it but it speaks for itself.

This move is definitely not the simplest nor is it probably the wisest, but without their encouragement and love I would never have gone. I’m going to miss them more than I could ever really say, but I know that the memories aren’t over and the times we share together are what I look forward to with each mile that takes me away. 

I love you all and miss you already!

These girls right above are some of the most beautiful, brave and strong willed people I’ve ever met. Even though it seems like I’ve known them since I was young, I met each one my freshman year at Michigan State. I couldn’t imagine these past two years without listening to their stories or the memories we’ve created on our own, because I don’t think it would’ve been right without them. I look at the friendships people create in college and I’m lucky enough to say that I know I’ve made friends that go beyond “friends” or “roommates”. These girls are my sisters, an extension of myself. In them I found who it was I want to be, and for that I could never thank them enough. To anyone who knows these girls, or will one day meet them, know how lucky you are to be in the presence of someone so genuine and selfless. Each one is different, but they’ve created a group of girls that is hard to come by. Maybe I can’t explain it but it speaks for itself.

This move is definitely not the simplest nor is it probably the wisest, but without their encouragement and love I would never have gone. I’m going to miss them more than I could ever really say, but I know that the memories aren’t over and the times we share together are what I look forward to with each mile that takes me away.

I love you all and miss you already!

One Week.

It’s almost time. Really, really, really close. One last week of finals stands between me and the road. I don’t feel like I’m doing anything, but I know what I’m doing is going to be big. People are saying goodbye and I’m saying it back, but it feels like I’ll still see them soon. 

Moving is a very weird process. I’m packing my life into boxes and then realizing I didn’t have much to pack, which will be good for my car, but it’s weird to think about how much was invested here. I don’t know how much I’ll miss this, but I know I’ll miss these people.

I’m looking forward to the good things that are coming. Thanks for taking the journey with me through my posts. Each step taken to fulfill yourself feels even better with others by your side. 

Here’s to the days to come and stories I can share.

x.

Body Quo?

Why don’t we like to work out?

I ask myself this almost daily when I’m getting ready in the morning and realize that I’m, uh, not as in shape as I was a year or so ago. But then the day wears on and I’m exhausted when I get home and I try so hard to convince myself that even a ten minute workout is better than watching Mad Men, but then there I am again on the couch with my ice cream.


We buy Cosmopolitan at my apartment. The cover always has some girl on it who’s the ‘right size’ and then there’s always a little section in it about loving your body and whatever, who cares, we all know we skip over that part. But, then I think about it. We really should start loving our bodies. No, this isn’t one of those blog posts where I tell young women “Hey! No, you look good! You inhale that over processed food and you love yourself for it!”. I’m not that kind of person, and I’m not going to say that.

What I am trying to say is how weird it is that we would rather watch Dove commercials that tell us to love ourselves than to go out and do something that might actually make us feel like we could love ourselves. I know that when I finally get up and go work out, I feel like I could smile for days. The endorphins (yes, they exist) that rush through your body after a work out feel better than Luke Bryan asking you out. Okay, I’m exaggerating, but it’s pretty close if you close your eyes…

I don’t want to upset anyone out there with this post. You all really are beautiful. Really. But I looked at myself today and thought well, maybe I should work out, for summer, you know. I hit the yoga mat in my living room and did a couple exercises then got up and came to the computer. I started thinking, that felt really good, I should’ve done that for longer. Weird.

It’s not about being skinny. I don’t WANT to be skinny. I like what I have going on. It’s about being healthy. And to be honest, the food we eat, the food I eat, as a college student is not helping us out. You wanna know why you’re tired after walking from your apartment or dorm to the class that you cut through a building to get to that’s not even 10 minutes away? Because the oreos and Noodles and Co you decided to eat as a midnight snack last night has decided to slow down not only your metabolism, but also YOU. Pretty scary.

So, I’ll ask again, why don’t we like to work out? So many people do it and look at where they are. They’re happy, they look good, they’re probably not going to die at 60. The more I look, the more I like it.

Think of it kind of like that first party in college. Uh, this is weird and uncomfortable and I’m not sure why everyone’s so sweaty. But then you realized how much you LOVE college parties and you do them all the time now!

Anyway, let’s workout. Let’s like it and let’s like ourselves for getting out there and doing it. I think that’s what Cosmo says anyway…

x.

Steady.

Steady is the only word I can think to use to get me through these next couple weeks. Steady classes, steady studying, steady work. Steady ME. (Is that possible?)

Steady is kind of a crazy word. Let’s see:

1steady

adjective \ˈste-dē\
steadi·ersteadi·est

Definition of STEADY

1
a : direct or sure in movement : unfaltering <a steady hand>
b : firm in position : fixed <held the pole steady>
c : keeping nearly upright in a seaway <a steady ship>
2
: showing little variation or fluctuation : stable, uniform <a steady breeze> <steady prices>
3
a : not easily disturbed or upset <steady nerves>
b (1) : constant in feeling, principle, purpose, or attachment <steady friends> (2) : dependable
c : not given to dissipation : sober
Laughing a little at the keeping ‘nearly’ upright in a seaway. Nearly upright seems to be how these next couple of weeks are going to go, but I’m perfectly okay with that as long as my head stays above water.
When this semester is finally over, I’m heading out of Spartan Nation and heading down to the coast to finally attend the college and live in the place that I’ve known and loved for my whole life. I’m kind of excited.
This whole thing now has me wondering why it took me so long to finally do this. Why didn’t I just listen to myself and head down right after high school? Why did I stay for two years? Why why why why why, and the only answer is, I was scared.
It’s funny, though, to think that. Scared? Of what? Honestly, scared of a campus full of all new people. Scared of leaving my family, my little brothers. Scared of leaving my friends. Scared that maybe I’ll get there and I’ll hate it. But I think what I was most scared of was that, strangely enough, I might love it.
I might love the small campus with the well known history. I might love to be back where people say “y’all” and they have manners. I might love to know that I can drive a few hours and see my family. I think I was scared that by loving it, I wouldn’t have anything to miss.
But isn’t that what I should strive for? I don’t want to have to miss anything. I’m tired of missing. Missing the beach, missing out on the school, missing the boys’ baseball games, missing my grandparents, missing the food, missing my aunts uncles cousins, my parents.
I think that what needs to be steady in this life is going for what we want. Steadily learning that to put things off is a shame to ourselves, and to back out of things because we’re afraid of the newness should be considered embarrassing, because why live this life if we’re not going to do it to our image of perfection?
Now listen, I don’t care if you like this or not, but I had a lot of help from God in making my decision. I prayed and prayed and knelt and prayed some more about what I was doing - was it right? Would I be happy? Would I be making others happy or would I be hurting them? Ultimately, would I be doing what He thought best?
Well, I believe I found my answer. My parents moved to the coast, granting me with in state residency. A friend, whom I haven’t spoken to since our high school graduation, out of the blue asked me if I knew of anywhere to live for the next school year. I did, it was me. The school that I want so badly to attend will take my transfer with the acceptance of transcripts, and they genuinely want students to be a part of their community. Now I don’t want to assume, but if that didn’t tell me that all was okay, I don’t know what would.
But I feel like I’m ready for this journey. I’m ready for the steady part to be over so that I can become myself again - carefree, excited and adventurous.
The other day I was telling someone about when I was younger and the things my good friend and I would get in to. We were wild children and I look at myself sometimes and wonder where I went, where the child with so many dreams took off to. Now I know where she is and what she would want. She wouldn’t like this ‘steady’ and she sure wouldn’t like my fear.
Maybe that’s the little boost we need when we’re considering if we want to go after something we’ve wanted for so long. What would I have wanted when life didn’t want anything back from me? What would I have pictured for myself when I had everything before me?
For me, it’s a long road with houses on 10 foot high stilts, the feel of suffocating heat and a beach at the end of the willow lined walk.
x.

Relax.

It is, even if we don’t think so.

Before I start my Monday post, my apologies on not posting for a few days. Work was all I did this weekend, and now I’m laying on the couch after being sick for the past two days. So, oops, I’ll be better this week.

These past couple of months have really shown that sometimes college really isn’t there to help you follow your dreams. Sophomore year has delivered tough news to some of my friends that they either need to change their major within the same field or maybe completely just change everything they’ve worked for and either go to a whole new major or even a whole new college.

How can you tell a 19 or 20 year old that the dream they’ve been pursuing since, more than likely, before they entered college is just now going to have to figure out a whole new path to lead? While I don’t understand why that advice is ever given, or why more isn’t done to help the student than just telling them they’re out of luck, I can’t help but think maybe it’s a blessing in disguise.

I don’t mean that you should be happy to have heard that. But what I am saying is that, if you look at it in a different light, this could be a whole new opportunity for you to discover something else that you really will love doing for the rest of your life.

Think back with me - what made you choose your major initially? Really? Okay, now be honest and say to yourself what is was that made you choose your major. I’ll be honest, I picked journalism because I was always told that I was a decent writer and I loved talking to people. And I do love journalism, don’t get me wrong. But if I had been honest with myself, I’d be majoring in International Relations with a concentration on Middle Eastern culture. Why didn’t I do that? Because the idea of majoring in something that I would have no idea if I could get a job in was extremely terrifying, so I stuck with what I knew.

But here you are, with this fresh new plate in front of you. You have no idea what you want to do with your life now, because all you thought you wanted to do was the major you had chosen before you were even considered a freshman. But you know what? You don’t NEED to know what you want to do with your life. It will forever amaze me how we are expected to know what we want to do with the rest of our lives when we’re 18-20 years old. I don’t even know where I want to work at for my part time job, let alone where I’d like to work for the next 50 years.

And I don’t think you should have to know. All of those pre reqs you have that you haven’t taken yet because you’ve been so busy taking the pre reqs required for the classes you were going to take for the major you thought you were majoring in can NOW be used to study abroad. Go on an adventure and see what else is out there in the world. You might go from business major to an education major, maybe even mathematics major to liberal arts. But no matter what it is you decide, at least you gave yourself the opportunity to go find it.

I think a lot of times, we are so scared of what’s going to happen to us once we leave college that we just go along with the status quo without really taking into account what will make us happy. We’re scared of how much college costs, so we try and pick a major right off the bat that we’re pretty sure we won’t change our minds about. Then we’re in college, studying this major, and we really don’t like it. We might not even like the COLLEGE we’re at, but we keep going because reconsidering is a lot scarier than continuing on studying and living in a way that doesn’t give us what we want, doesn’t make us happy. THEN, like the stories I have heard, we hear that oops, you’re going to have to make some serious changes because you’re just not going to make it in this field, and then your whole life turns upside down because this world called college that you thought would keep you safe until you reached the outside world is really just messing you up just as bad. Money lost, time lost and now there’s nothing there to show you which way to go next.

But, really, you already know what to do. Losing the money you spent on those classes is really hard to cope with, I agree. The time lost is hard, too. But the least hard part of all is the deciding what to do next, because I can almost guarantee that when you heard that adviser tell you that you weren’t able to finish what you had started, not only were you mentally telling him or her off, you had envisioned a whole new life for yourself. Maybe it was just for a brief second. Maybe it was just a sigh of relief. But somewhere in those moments between hearing you had to go and trying to figure out what was just said, you already knew what it was you had been wanting to do this whole time.

So, to all my college aged friends out there, relax.

To all my friends who are feeling alone and scared and an enemy of the working world, stop. You have just been given a redo, one of the greatest gifts I could ever think to have. Go look at other colleges. Travel. Learn of different programs. Try to figure out more about yourself. And at the end of all of that you’re still not sure what it is you want to do with your life, don’t be afraid. I’m not sure if any of us really know what it is we want to be doing, but at least we’re all trying to find out.

x.

Starting With..

Today, I’ll be posting daily (hopefully). I have 9 minutes until it’s no longer today, so I’ll keep this simple.

All I’ve done today is school, school, five minutes of work, and more school. I’m currently studying for an exam tomorrow which is why I have no idea what I’m writing because all I can think about is eutrophication and water treatment.

Tomorrow starts my weekend and I am soooo excited. After work all you’ll catch me doing is watching seasons of Mad Men and painting my nails. My parents are heading up to Michigan this weekend, so that’s really all I’m looking forward to after work on Sunday.

How were your days? Did you think over what I said yesterday? Have you read/listened/talked about anything interesting?

Tonight in my apartment we had a pretty intense conversation about our judicial system and the current events that have really shaken up a lot of those in our age group. When news makes people our age speak up, that’s pretty big. I think it should be done more often and louder, but it’s still nice to know that you can sit down with a group of six 19 to 20 year olds and have a conversation that’s heavy, but handled respectfully.

While it’s too late to get into topics like that on here, I would really like for anyone reading this to go grab a paper tomorrow or wake up early enough to watch the news and to think about everything going on around us. What do you think? What would you like to be hearing more about? What, on here, would you like for me to be writing about?

For now, I’ll be posting about whatever I think of. Literally. But soon I’ll be showing a little bit more of what I think would interest you or what’s going on around us that maybe you don’t know about.

All around me right now are Diet Coke cans, M & M’s packets and empty chip bags and fast food cups. The faster I can, hopefully, 4 point this exam the faster I can be kicking back on our couch, letting Don Draper let his beauty just wave over me. Ugh, until then…

x.

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Spring Now.

The middle of the spring semester of my sophomore year is here. I almost said ‘finally’, but really these past few months flew by without much to leave me with. Classes are a blur, work life is barely memorable and quite honestly all that will really stick out to me about this year so far will be my family moving and some of the weekends shared with my roommates and friends. 

It’s hitting me pretty hard these past few weeks how quickly college seems to be flying by. I constantly question myself about the decisions I’m making and how they’ll be impacting my life in the not too distant future - Did I pick the right college? Did I pick the right major? Was that class worth taking? Should I have accepted that job?

I know for many college students, sophomore year is the time where we hit our “slump”. Motivation ceases to exist in school work and the thought of going to work sounds worse than walking on hot coals. I think, for myself at least, my feeling on the subject is exponentially higher because I haven’t involved myself in much else but school and work, except for the occasional join on a whim which leads to me quitting because I don’t think i can make the time between my two required activities.

So, while I sit here and question the many things in life I want to do or what I think I’ve done right/wrong, I’m wondering what it is that I’d rather be doing to get myself out of this Slump.

While I’m supposed to be studying (Don’t look at me like that, you’re probably supposed to be studying, too), I’m writing a Tumblr post that is long overdue. I promised to myself this summer that I would do a post at least once a day, if not at least once or twice a week. But, as you can see, my posts veered off around the time I came back to State.


The purpose of my post today is to remind myself, and maybe some of you out there, about the promises we should keep to ourselves. I promised myself that this year, I wouldn’t take no for an answer. I’d push and pull until I was in a place where I was happy and fulfilled. I’d volunteer, I’d make new friends. I’d be a top intern at a top magazine by the summertime.


Where am I? I’m in my apartment, putting off studying for a class I just can’t grasp. I’m looking at the magazines I want to be involved with instead of calling them and asking them to take me on as an intern. I’m telling you, Twitterers, Facebookers„ Future Employers, that I have not kept my promises to myself. If this wouldn’t make a great magazine article, I’m not sure what would.

Yesterday in one of my Journalism classes, my professors laughed about how it’s so hard being a journalist because you never know when to stop writing. You become so passionate about the subject you’re reporting on that you keep going and going until you have to edit out half of the article. THAT, my readers, is what I should be striving for. To have the passion and the will to create articles that I can’t stop wanting to write about.

How do you obtain that passion? How do you sit at your computer for hours with your fingers moving and your mind on full speed? By GETTING OUT OF YOUR APARTMENT and becoming involved. By facing the things that are bothering you, that are keeping you locked up, and saying to hell with it. That you want to begin your passion.

So, back to my original point (see my passion coming out?), the promise we should be keeping to ourselves is passion. Are we really enjoying this class? Probably not. But you should be PASSIONATE about where this class could lead you. Are you happy with the major you’ve taken? Probably, so go FORTH and become involved so that you can expand your passion for it.

So, let’s make a little spring time resolution with ourselves. I mean, why not? First day of Spring tomorrow, might as well. Let’s promise to each other that the passionless life that is putting us in this Slump, be it you’re a sophomore or not, is not going to continue on anymore. Let’s promise to each other to keep the promises we make, so that one day we won’t look back and wonder what we did with our time instead of doing the things we wanted.

I’m looking out my window right now and it’s ugly and nasty, but I’m going to take this opportunity of a gross day and study, passionately aka really hard, for these tests I have this week. And then I’m going to make the promise to myself to write more regularly and to start seizing all of the opportunities that are coming my way.

Why keep living the same way when the results aren’t what you’ve been wanting for yourself? Passion, everyone, is the promise I’m presenting. I promise I’ll be showing more of it.

x.